I'm working through suggestions to make my early teen time travel novel have the action happen much quicker in the storyline. It's been too easy to just like the words I wrote a long time ago, but I'm now biting the bullet and making big slash and burn moments. teh problem for me is knowing
I'm saying bye bye...for the moment to some of this bit. What, if any, of this should I keep? I know which bits I really still like.
Not again!
Aran shuddered as Tyrnan’s spear thudded into the
ground a mere toe away from his foot, even closer than the last time the spear
had been thrown. That lurching of the stomach thing happened again and the
nausea rising was even worse. He didn’t dare move a step, or say another word,
as the sound of the boar carcass thudding to the ground echoed around. It was
no poor throw that Tyrnan had made. If he’d wanted it to be so, Aran could
easily have been pinned to the forest floor.
“Stop there, now!” Tyrnan’s command halted them all as
he darted forward, reaching them in moments. “Strangers - Taexali, Miathi, or
otherwise - will not wander alone in our territory. Not even ones wearing
special treasures of the Taexali.” His angry voice boomed right in their faces.
“You will come with us to Balbath and you will deliver your message.”
In a blink Tyrnan’s little sharp knife was held at
Aran’s throat, so close it nicked his skin again, a different bead of red
trickling from the glistening knife tip. One flick of his spear and it was fast
in the ground before Aran found one of his arms pinned agonisingly behind his
back. Tyrnan’s ferocity was resolute. There was no way he was going to let them
wander off.
Fianna sniffled as she clutched her twin’s cloak.
Aran knew this was not a time for a standoff…or for
being too brave or stupid. The warrior’s lethal blade flashed in the dappled
sunshine that filtered through the trees, so dangerously near to properly
slicing his throat. Tyrnan’s next demand wasn’t pleasant either.
“Are you ready now to give us your message for Tuoch?”
Aran felt his wrist almost snap when his arm was
twisted even more painfully. “No!” he hissed, his voice wobbling only a
fraction. He was dangerously close to tears, yet it was the only answer he
could give for he didn’t have a message, yet.
“Okay! Okay! Let Aran go. We’ll go with you to Balbath,”
Brian responded quickly, to mollify the angry guard because Gypta had corralled
them again with her alarming blade.
Lowering his blade Tyrnan whipped off thin cords from
his belt, thrusting one to Duhlain and one to Gypta. In moments, Aran and the
twins had their hands firmly tied behind their backs, not excruciating but
tight enough to chafe. Aran deliberated about making the big protest he could
tell was itching to break forth from Brian…but again, it didn’t seem like quite
the right time to make a fuss.
Prisoners? Even more so.
Fianna looked angry now, still scared, but her pursed
mouth showed she was becoming more infuriated at their treatment. It was all
too real now for Aran could clearly see the thin cord biting into the flesh at
her wrists…his own tether just as painful. Fianna’s shoulders already looked
very uncomfortable as she struggled to regain her balance after Gypta thrust
her forward, though she wisely kept her mouth shut.
With no option they trudged behind Gypta, now finding
it hard to keep up with her and avoiding hazards at the same time. Aran had
idly wondered while watching action movies what it must be like to walk like
this, arms tied behind your back. Now he knew he didn’t like it one bit. It
jarred, and pinched, and totally ached when he stumbled. Callum had said go
with the flow hadn’t he? Even if the action was slow?
One thing was definite. They couldn’t choose to end
the game right that moment for not one of them could get near an armband!
They stepped over and stumbled around tree stumps,
avoiding the roots and plant stems that stuck up from the forest floor,
sometimes hidden below the fallen leaf cover. At times sharp bits of wood and
stones poked up into Aran’s Feet making him squirm in agony. The soft shoes he
wore had some kind of padding inside them but that didn’t stop the bigger
stones from hurting. How on earth Gypta could keep going at the pace she did
with her injury Aran couldn’t fathom, but maintain the rapid rate Gypta did.
A while later Fianna’s curiosity got the better of her
even though her strength flagged. “Have you any sisters or brothers, Gypta?”
Gypta turned back without stopping, before replying to
Fianna’s question. “I have three older brothers, but only one half-sister. She
is yet very young, almost at her fourth summer.”
Fianna huffed as she kept up. “I’ve always wanted a
sister, but all I got was a brother.” Her smile was disdainful as she nodded
her head in Brian’s direction. “The only good thing about that is that I was
born first so I’m older than him.”
Gypta’s tone was puzzled as she stared at Fianna. “Why
do you ask questions while we walk? It is not usual in our tribe to disturb the
peace of the forest with idle talk. We do not trouble the forest gods with
unnecessary noise and we need to be heedful of attack from our enemies. Is it
not so in your branch of our tribe?”
Not chat?
Was that what Gypta meant? You couldn’t talk as you
walked? The reproach in Gypta’s voice was damning. Realising Fianna had made
some very big mistake Aran jumped in first to cover the confusion. “Princess,
please forgive Fianna. In her excitement she’s forgotten. She won’t chatter any
more.”
“That is as it should be!” Tyrnan was also critical
and was now only a few steps behind them. “We all need to listen for untoward
noises. We will maintain silence in the trees and pay attention.”
Fianna’s face flushed. Aran knew only too well how she
hated to be in the wrong, though equally he understood her mistake, for how
were they to have known you weren’t supposed to talk while walking in the
forest? But if it was another rule of this strange game…they could do it.
Walking in silence was definitely a great way to appreciate
the forest though, since he was much more aware of the animals and birds as
they scuttled around and flit through the trees. Whenever he darted a look
behind, Tyrnan alertly scanned all around him, was constantly aware and was
taking note of any movements. His spear remained poised and ready…and was
relentlessly trained on their backs!
At least, now, his sharp little knife didn’t prick at
Aran’s throat - just a little something to be glad about.
As they continued on a small herd of deer passed through,
way up ahead, shifting shadows crossing their path. The twins silently
exchanged excited glances with Aran, their eyes sparkling. At home they often
saw the occasional deer in the woods near their village, but never had they
seen a whole herd passing by like this. The animals paused momentarily, their
heads raised gracefully, catching the sounds of their approach, bounding off
when the scent of people reached them. They moved so elegantly they hardly
rustled the dense undergrowth, the leafy forest floor rippling only minutely
with their progress.
Soon their direction changed. Patches of bright blue
sky penetrated the glades and larger birds wheeled overhead above the treetops.
As they neared the forest edge, descending all the time from the last slight
rise, younger saplings were dotted more frequently around them all struggling
to take root in the scrubby floor, sharply angled by the fiercer winds on the
perimeter. A small winding river bubbled over large stones, in places. A little
further upstream was a perfect crossing spot, a natural ford, narrow enough to
traverse safely across some large flattish stones, the water there only knee
deep.
“Princess Gypta!” Tyrnan called. “We will stop to pay
homage below.”
“What does that mean?” Fianna murmured to Aran who
stumbled alongside her.
“Not sure. Though I guess we’re about to find out.”
They both set to, moving
smartly to catch up with Brian who now easily managed to keep pace with Gypta,
their flagging energy perked up at the thought of rest.
“What do you reckon homage means?” Brian quizzed Aran
as he came level with him.
Aran shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe something to do
with praying to their gods?”
By the water’s edge at the ford they watched Tyrnan
and Duhlain lay down the boar carcass. Then Tyrnan reached into his pouch.
Holding his hand aloft and open to the sky he displayed a small pile of nuts
and dried fruits, his voice loud and booming, echoing over the noise of the
water as he chanted.
“Coventina, Lady of the water. Accept our gift…”
Aran watched the warrior in complete fascination as
Tyrnan recited a loud prayer. The pleasant words were so peculiar coming from
such a fiercely huge warrior. His grimy corn-gold hair rippled in the slight
breeze as his eyes scanned the river bed. At the end of his chant he scattered
his offering wide along the river then turning to them he commanded, “Rest now,
and drink of the Lady’s water.”
“How am I supposed to do that? If I bend down I’ll
probably fall in head first!” Fianna complained, clearly desperate for a drink
of the cool clear water and more able to challenge now that her fear of Tyrnan
had receded a bit. Her eyes strayed to the princess’s guard. “Can you please
untie me?”
Aran
reckoned her cajoling voice would probably have worked on Callum, but it made
absolutely no difference at all to the dour warrior, Tyrnan.
“You will
manage,” he warned. “If you fall in I will fish you out, have no fear. Tuoch
will want you alive, not dead.”
Aran was
first to try since he rarely backed down on a challenge…and getting a drink was
definitely going to be a test of balance. He was the one with the supposed
message so it had to be even more important that he be delivered alive. How he
felt about that he wasn’t actually sure: the idea was a bit bizarre.
Lowering himself down onto his knees he shunted
carefully to the edge of the river. Then he wriggled into position on his side,
lying on the bank, in order to clutch a fistful of long willowy reeds tightly
in his fingers before sliding forward to lower his chin into the water.
Fortunately the water wasn’t too deep or rushing too hard. Gulping some down he
found a way to drink without drowning. As his soaking wet head reappeared he
squirmed back and grinned at Fianna. “See! It’s easy. Just don’t breathe and
gulp at the same time.”
Fianna needed no further prompting because if Aran
could do it then she could too. That was often the way with the two of them –
one would challenge and the other would take up the test, and many times it was
Fianna who set the challenges.
Inching forward she copied his movements, almost
managing it till water went up her nose. Spluttering and sliding, she almost
submerged before Tyrnan hauled her back out of the water. To Aran’s surprise he
didn’t let her go, but fisted her cloak and dress at the back and then
suspended her over the water. She gobbled the water that rippled into her open
mouth.
Fianna wrenched her mouth up out of the water,
gasping. “No more. Let me up.”
Tyrnan held her motionless, her head hovering
dangerously over the flowing river for the space of a few heartbeats. “Enough?”
He repeated it again as he swiftly dunked her back in and out. “Are you sure
about that?”
Aran’s breath hitched loudly for he was terrified that
the warrior was going to change his mind and drown her. His hands were tied - so
were Brian’s - and there wouldn’t be a thing they could do to help her. No
pulling the plug on the game!
“Let you up?” Tyrnan’s voice sounded amused as he
pulled her out; as though Fianna’s challenge had surprised him a little before
he dumped her unceremoniously back onto the banking. Fianna mumbled a grateful
thanks as the warrior strode away stopping a little further upstream to have a
drink himself.
“You okay, Fianna?” Brian whispered as he kneed his
way towards her. Her nod told him since she was still unnerved by the
experience, her face whiter than normal.
Aran could tell there was no way Brian would attempt a
drink as he wriggled into a sitting position beside his twin, then silence
descended again for a little while.
Was out of the forest a better time to ask questions?
While they were resting? Aran thought it might be. Duhlain leisurely stretched
out nearby. Not possible for him, though, because he now knew for sure that it
was really uncomfortable sitting down with hands tied behind your back.
“Have we much farther to go before we reach Balbath?”
He kept his question casual.
“Round that bend in the river…” Aran looked where Duhlain
pointed. “…we will be on the plain of Balbath. Our settlement lies behind the
trees on that side of the river.” Duhlain gestured towards the right hand side.
It wasn’t far. Aran looked along the sightline of the
river where the tree cover was sparse. A high hill well in the distance seemed
very familiar to him - yet it was subtly different. The hill, the only high
hill around them, rose above dense woodland cover, an almost conical peak with
a dark bumpy circular shadow around the summit. Aran looked again Feeling
something wasn’t quite right about it, but he was sure he recognised it.
“Brian?”
“Mmm?” Brian’s eyes were closed as he savoured the
rest.
“What do you think of that hill along there?” Aran
asked, his head nodding to indicate the hill’s direction.
“That hill?” Brian reluctantly opened his eyes and
squinted. “It’s quite pointed?” His response was sleepy. “And there are a lot
of trees and forests around its foothills?” Aran heard Brian’s lazy huff of
breath and knew his friend was not interested enough to be bothered with a
better answer. “What do you think about it?” Brian muttered as he closed his
eyes again.
“Never mind.” Aran allowed his eyes to have twenty
winks as well, though something about the hill bothered him.What do you think? Please leave me your thoughts in the comment box.
Slainthe!
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